Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.―Vivian Greene
How to keep your mind at peace?
How to find peace of mind and
happiness?
Over the past decade Marc and I
have dealt with several personal hardships of varying degrees, including the
sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, and an
unexpected, breadwinning employment layoff.
These experiences were
brutal. Each of them, unsurprisingly, knocked us down and off course for
a period of time. But when our time of mourning was over in each
individual circumstance, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater
understanding and respect for life.
Here are some vital lessons we
learned – ways to maintain peace of mind in tough times:
1. Learn to trust yourself.
“It isn’t as bad as you
sometimes think it is. As you heal and grow, it will all work out.
Relax and trust yourself.”
Repeat that in your mind every
morning. Because the truth is, it all works out in the end. Put
your full trust in yourself by following your intuition and doing your best,
and then move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence in the
future. Life will not forsake you. Love, persistence and hard work
combined rarely lead a person astray in the long run.
If you have faith in your
abilities, if you stay true to the path that feels right, if you channel your
passion into action, you will ultimately achieve a breakthrough. In other
words, as soon as you trust yourself you will know how to heal and grow.
2. Focus on what you’re learning.
Mistakes and setbacks are
simply a form of practice.
If the road is easy and free of
bumps, you’re likely going the wrong way. The bumps in the road teach you
what you need to know to progress down a path that is all your own.
Sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right. Sometimes you
need to change a flat tire or two before you can move on.
Bottom line: Your journey
isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never
struggle is to never grow. There is no perfectly smooth road to anyplace
worth going.
3.
Ease your expectations.
Life is under no obligation to
give you exactly what you expect. Whatever it is you’re seeking will
rarely ever come in the form you’re expecting. Don’t miss the silver
lining because you were expecting gold.
You must see and accept things
as they are instead of as you hoped, wished, or expected them to be. Just
because it didn’t turn out like you had envisioned, doesn’t mean it isn’t
exactly what you need to get to where you ultimately want to go.
4.
Open up to someone you trust.
You aren’t alone; let someone
special in when you’re in a dark place. You know who this person
is. Don’t expect them to solve your problems; just allow them to face
your problems with you. Give them permission to stand beside you.
They won’t necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark place you’re in, but
the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the
door is.
Above all, the important thing
to remember is that you are not alone. No matter how bizarre or
embarrassed or pathetic you feel about our own situation, there is someone in
your life who has dealt with similar emotions and who wants to help you.
When you hear yourself say, “I am alone,” it’s just your insecurities trying to
sell you a lie. (Read Daring Greatly.)
5.
Use hope to drive positive action.
Only in the dark can you see
the stars. The stars are hope. Look for them.
The very least you can do in
your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is
live inside that hope as you work for what you want. Do not admire what
you hope for from a distance, but live right in it. Get deeply involved with
the thoughts and activities that keep your hope alive and your intention
possible.
No, hope alone will not save
you from despair. Hope empowers you to strive and grow even when your
circumstances are in shambles. The road that is built with hope is more
pleasant than the road built in despair, even though they both may seem to lead
you to the same place in the short-term. But it is the positive growth
you attain on your way to this temporary place that will benefit your final
destination.
It’s all about balance –
accepting reality without giving up on what needs to be done to reach your
desired destination in the long run.
6.
Move TOWARDS something instead of AWAY.
“Don’t think about eating that
chocolate cookie!” What are you thinking about now? Eating that
chocolate cookie, right? When you concentrate on not thinking about
something, you end up thinking about it.
The same philosophy holds true
when it comes to freeing your mind from a negative past. By persistently
trying to move away from what you don’t want, you are forced to think about it
so much that you end up carrying it’s weight along with you. But if you
instead choose to focus your energy on moving toward something you do want, you
naturally leave the negative weight behind as you progress forward.
Bottom line: Instead of
concentrating on eliminating the negative, concentrate on creating something
positive (that just happens to replace the negative). (Read Learned Optimism.)
7.
Take a few steps back.
Everything seems simpler from a
distance. Sometimes you simply need to distance yourself to see things
more clearly.
You are more than whatever is
troubling you. A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond
your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present
moment. Step back and observe yourself as you experience each
moment. Be present. Watch yourself as you think, as you take
action, as you experience emotions. Your body may experience pain, and
yet that pain is not you. Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you
are not those troubles.
Think of the most difficult
challenge you face right now. Imagine that it’s not you, but a close
friend who is facing this challenge. What advice would you give
her? If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at
your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any
differently? Think of the advice you would give your friend if your
friend were in your shoes. Are you following your own best advice right
now?
Don’t allow your current
troubles to cloud your thinking. Take a few steps back and give
8. Give yourself
time.
Take all the time you
need. Emotional healing is a process; don’t rush yourself through
it. Don’t let others force you through it either. Moving on doesn’t
take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your
broken past and your wounded self.
Take today breath by breath,
one step at a time. Never let trouble from the past make you feel like
you have a bad life now. Just because yesterday was painful doesn’t mean
today will be too. Our wounds are often the openings into the best and
most beautiful part of us. Today you have a choice to explore these parts
of yourself. Give yourself the needed time and permission to explore and
heal. (Marc and I
discuss this in more detail in the Adversity and Growth chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do
Differently.)
9. Look for the beginning in every ending.
A wise man once said, “Every
new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Today is a new
beginning; treat it that way. Stop thinking about what might have been
and starting looking at what can be.
Say to yourself: “Dear Past,
thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me. Dear Future, I am
ready now!” Because a great beginning always occurs at the exact moment
you thought would be the end of everything.
The floor is yours…
What’s gives you peace of mind
when times are tough and stressful? Please leave a comment below and let
us know.
Source: MarcandAngel
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